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Avengers Poetry Page


WARNING! This is for adult readers only! This page contains adult content. Silly, but adult content nonetheless. It is time to provide a page for Avengers related poetry. If you have a poem to contribute, please let me know and I will post them here!


This section isn't Avengers related, but compiled by our Avengers group members.


Howard Hayden - contributed on September 8, 2008

Someone already suggested "Hi Ho Kafusalem".
(A song about a prostitute seemed appropriate).

Hi Ho the Neo-libs
They dribble food but don't wear bibs
They're only good at telling fibs
To get votes for Obama

Obama is a wily man
He says a lot
But has no plan
He gathers all the press he can
They're harlots like Kafusalem.

Hi Ho the Neo-libs
They dribble food but don't wear bibs
They're only good at telling fibs
To get votes for Obama

Obama's only half a black
His mom was white and that's a fact
He hides all this to fend off flack
From those who hate Obama


Howard Hayden - contributed on September 7, 2008

To the tune of Maverick...

Who is the short, old Senator there?
John McCain is the name.
Ridin' the trail to the White House where,
Palin's his companion,
Politics is his game.
Smooth as a candidate on the run
John McCain is the name.
Facing a man that all should shun
BO is a lier
Easier to blame

Democrats go to hell
Take all the lies you tell
Palin's a lady better than the rest.
Denver to New Orleans
The Democrats don't know beans
John McCain is a maverick who's the best



Howard Hayden - contributed on January 13, 2008

Steed, sitting poolside, did play
With several young girls on display
The ladies would giggle
And give Steed a wiggle
While Tara alone won the day.

Howard Hayden - contributed on January 7, 2008

To all that's been said I say "blimey!"
Can no one just credit this Limey.
Someone who's not blind
Can see what's on Steed's mind
The gal doesn't have to say "climb me".

David Edge - contributed on January 4, 2006
Cathy built her own raft
That Steed thought was foolish and daft
"I've nothing to fear!"
As she varnished the rear
Steed added "but what of the draught?"


David Edge - contributed on January 4, 2006
Tara, Emma and Purdey
Bought a boat that was exceptionally sturdy
They asked Gambit down
But he said he might drown
And Tara said "Oh don't be so girly!"


David Edge - contributed on January 4, 2006
There was a young Avenger called Venus
Who said, "Well Steed, you've got a mighty big....(well, you get the picture)



Johnny Orleanski - contributed on July 20, 2005

"To Dame Diana Rigg"

Emma Peel the name,
Diana Rigg's claim to fame?
Are both not the same

Run, the first impulse
When confronted on the street,
I am me, not she!

No, Emma Peel is
But only the beginning
Of a great career.

She was born to play
Royal Shakespeare Company
Leading ladies true.

Rising to the top,
But, oh, to try something new...
Emma Peel's waiting

Many remember
Chemistry incredible.
Is it forever?

Rising to the top,
But, oh, to try something new...
Peter Peel's waiting

Several films made.
The greatest of Bond girls played
But hearts are broken.

Rising to the top,
But, oh, to try something new...
Stage, again, waiting.

Roles all new are played.
And the reviews are written
Greatness beginning.

Rising to the top,
But, oh, to try something new...
Hollywood waiting.

"Diana" is played
Was anyone watching then
Copies now are sought

Rising from the heap
But, oh, to try something new...
England now waiting.

And return she does.
To more acclaim, "Three Piece Suite",
Of course, more than fame.

Rising to the top,
But, oh, to try something new...
Motherhood waiting.

Child to her is born,
The greatest role of all played.
And proud she is too.

Rising from the blocks
But, oh, to try something new...
More films are waiting.

Some for the children
Stay close to home, raise the child
Some for the adults

Roles to get, harder
"Mother Love" over the top
But home life's gone wrong...

Rising from the pain,
And, oh, to try something new...
Greatness now waiting.

The pains of her Life,
And, of course, all her Joys, too,
Brought to bear in roles.

Accolades come in.
Greatness, overdue, achieved.
Knighthood is bestowed

Rising, she's the top
But, oh, to try something new...
Interviews waiting.

Her thoughts are spoken
Her words written, but meanings
From her misconstrued

What would Emma do?
Fight, don't take it lying down
Cost and hours long

The battle is won
But, oh, to try something new...
Offered parts are few

When and where she plays
Crowds are always there, waiting
Dear Dame Diana

Grace us all with your
Performances so divine
Some have never seen

Yet, still believe and
Hope that she will grace us with
One more, ere she leaves

I have not yet seen
But maybe, just maybe in
Spring Two Thousand Six

To America
Once more she comes to Broadway...
For I am waiting.

Dame Diana Rigg
A Very Happy Birthday
More Happy Returns.


Howard Hayden - contributed on May 8, 2005
by Dishwalla from the album "Pet Your Friends"

I come home late at night
On the floor to turn you on
I check for tint and Technicolor
After you there is no other
Your brown hair is my connection
Connects my resurrection
And everyone else is just a harlot
A Star Search spokes model starlet
Miss Emma Peal
Black boots kick high at his face
One last look at the grace of
Miss Emma Peel
Catch the curve of your leather heel
Before he blacks out
That's another one down for
Miss Emma Peel
I sit beside her in the evening
And watch her rerun secrets by my ears
Cat eyes watch with British humor
Cause she's a mod-feel sixties savior
Your brown hair is my connection
Connects my resurrection
And everyone else is just a harlot
A Star Search spokes model starlet
Miss Emma Peel
Black boots kick high at his face
One last look at the grace of
Miss Emma Peel
Catch the curve of your leather heel
Before he blacks out
That's another one down for
For Miss Emma Peel
For Miss Emma Peel
For Miss Emma Peel
For Miss Emma Peel

Howard Hayden - Added 01/10/2005

I don't think it's Steed's staircase
I don't think it's in his place
Here's a thing he'll have to face
It's not even in the race

For those of you who think it could
Remember Steed's was made of wood.

Howard Hayden - Added 05/15/2004

Em's aflame with unflinching resolve
And hot on the case till it's solved
But that beautiful dish
Could be a cold fish
Excepting where Steed is involved.

Howard Hayden - Added 01/19/2004

There's nary a hair on a goose egg
And there's plenty of hair on an ape
But its only the hair on a gooseberry
That keep it from being a grape

Howard Hayden - Added 01/16/2004

Emma slipped through pie shop unheeded
The dough in the mixer depleted
She tripped on a mat
And fell into the vat
Steed quipped, "Mrs. Peel, you are kneaded"

Howard Hayden - Added 12/21/2003

Dearest Emma
Darling Mrs. Peel
Dearest Emma
This is how we feel

We love all your kinky clothes
You dress fit to kill
We'd fight for the right to be
The guy with the bill.

Now since you have hit our lives
Our routine seems dull
Just throw us around to get us
Out of this lull

We go pale at the things you do
To red-blooded men
Now that just ain't right for us
But do it again.


We'd give up our Kingdom
To grab us a horse
To challenge this Steed you have
And take him by force.

And our love might be the thing
A good judo hold
We'd rather be rabbit-punched
Than out in the cold.

Though we faint at the things you do
The red-blooded men
Now that just ain't good for us
But do it again.


We'd take all that you can give
And come back for more
You'd find we look great piled up
In heaps on the floor.

The fun you could have with us
Would make laughters ring
We're fighting like angels
With each arm in a sling.

Yeah we'd like just to prove to you
We're red-blooded men
There's one thing that's wrong with that
We couldn't do it again.

Dearest Emma
Darling Mrs. Peel
Dearest Emma
That is how we feel

Dearest Emma
Dearest Emma
(to fade)


Howard Hayden - Added 12/16/2003

There once was an agent named Tara
Whose fame spread from near-a to far-a
What could replace
That angelic face
There behind all that mascara


Howard Hayden - Added 06/03/2003

"He never returned
No. Peter never returned
His fate is still unlearned
He will rot forever in the steamy jungle
He's the man who never returned".

Avengers Tag Lines and Adaptations Taken from Literature (ATLATL) - Added 05/05/2003

Note: An atlatl is a ancient spear throwing device. I thought it fitted because I was tossing around some ideas.

The following were contributed by Howard Hayden 05/05/2003.

Steedinvar (from Locinvar)
Oh Steedinvar has come out of the West
Throughout the wide nation his bowlers known best.

Tale Of Two Steeds (from A Tale of Two Cities)
It was the best of crimes. It was the worst of crimes.

Cyberdick (from Moby Dick)
Call me Steedmial.

Sir Walter Scott - Howard Hayden - Added 05/05/2003
After Lochinvar
O, bold Steed in car has come out for the test,
Through all the wide Nation this Steed was the best;
And save his good brolly he weapon had none, (yea right)
He drove all unarmed, but he drove not alone.
  So faithless in love, yet so dauntless in war,
  There never was a knight like the bold Steed in car..

There was chaseing the baddies, and wasn't it grand;
Plants, monsters and sadists, they rode and they ran:
There was racing and chasing, in Bentley so green
With Emma so lovely so calm and serene.
  So dashing in love and relentless of crime,
  Have ye e'er heard of better in Avengerland time?

One touch to her hand and one word in her ear,
When they reach'd Emma's flat, and her charger stood near;
So light to the bed the fair lady he swung,
So light to the bed before daylight had sprung!
  "She is won! We are humping 'or bedpost and stair;
  And they'll be more Steed to follow!" my Emma my fair.


Howard Hayden - Added 05/01/2003 - (with apologies to e e cummings)
"we're needed"
it's just-
avengerland when the world is mad-
       luscious the bowlered suave defender whistles for his tea and emmapeel come
running from mandible and
               villain and it's
when the world is sixties-wonderful
          the impish suave defender whistles
               far and wee
        and emmapeel come running
       from mind switch and plantjaw and
       avengerland and
bowlered defender whistles
           and the emmapeels

Howard Hayden - Added 03/10/2003

While writing a Limerick for Bex
I thought about Steed having sex
Mateing with Emma
Could create a dilemma
And make his job far more complex.


Howard Hayden - Added 03/04/2003

Emma singing in the chorus
Steed out hoofing there before us
Despite what numbers may be planned
It may be Avengerland
Set to music might just bore us


The Sound of Avengers - Twisted lyrics of "My Favorite Things" - Added 02/26/2003

Tuba's with flowers and whispers like feather.
Old vintage autos and women in leather.
The warm smile I get, Steed and Mrs. Peel brings.
These are a few of my favorite things...

Cal Westray

David Edge - Added 02/19/2003

Emma had a little steed
His coat was white as snow
And everywhere that our Em went
Her steed would neigh 'Good show!'

Howard Hayden - Added 01/31/2003

Cathy used some judo trick
While Emma and Purdey would kick
But Tara succeeded
And came through when needed
By loading her purse with a brick

David Edge - Added 01/31/2003
Tara stormed off on vacation
Appalled at her bad reputation
"I'll use the house brick no more!"
As she marched out the door
And drove off without hesitation!

Mint Julep - Added 01/31/2003

Gentleman Steed was Beau Brummely
And assumed he and Em were just chummelly
Til one day on a walk
She gave him a shock
By slapping a hand on his bummelly.

Howard Hayden - Added 01/31/2003

We've heard our Mint Julep kavetch
Make references we seldom catch
Don't know what she'll do next
With muffins or subtext
But that rhyming scheme sure was a stretch

Burma Shave signs - Added 01/27/2003

These little signs
Should be headed
Straight ahead
Mrs. Peel we're needed
Burma Shave
Howard Hayden

Drive this road
But do not race
Be sure to wave
When you pass Steed's place.
Burma Shave
Howard Hayden

Steed's Next Right
Bop His Head
Blow Up His Car
If you want him Dead
Burma Shave
Mona Morstein

Steed's House
Take Next Right
3 miles on Right
Burma Shave
Mona Morstein

Howard Hayden - Added 01/15/2003

Cathy had a body like a dream
And Tara had eyes that would beam
But it's no dilemma
To see that our Emma
Always would reign on supreme.

For Him - By: Karmyn M. Crabb - Added 01/07/2003


Last night I dreamt

Of your proposal

I could imagine

The headline


Sorry, ladies,

he’s off the market

Alas, ‘twas but a dream

And I am left alone

With memories of you

Of words unspoken,

Feelings unexpressed,

Possibilities unexplored,

Love unknown,

Of children left unborn,

Of a heart left broken.


Cal Westray - Added 09/28/2002

A slim gal, the highest of kickers.
Had a partner who wanted to stick 'ers.
Saw his brolly and smiled.
She said, "I like it wild.
But I prefer what you have in your knickers."

Contributions from the Suburbia Avengers Group! A talented group of people who want to share their poetry with us. Thanks to all! Check out the Group Writing Project that we are working on. It is available in Word, Text, and HTML formats.

a drabble... "Curses, foiled again..." by Bex - Added 09/16/2002

Caught in a cunning subspace trap, the TARDIS materialised on a primitive planet. The Doctor was unsurprised by what greeted him on the viewscreen.
The Master was accompanied by a squad of heavily muscled thugs. Obviously feeling let down by diabolical scheming, he had settled for brute force.
"Resistance is futile Doctor, unless you feel your usual retinue of feeble females can save you." He sneered at the innocuous blond teenager next to the Doctor.
Eyes gleaming the Doctor turned to the girl, "Buffy, call Xena and Mrs. Peel would you? It seems we've run into a spot of bother."

Howard Hayden - Added 09/16/2002

The question of Steed being gay
Is just ludicrous, that I must say
Whether brunette or red head
They all soon graced his bed
Where John bonked the entire array!

Howard Hayden – Added 09/30/2002

Like Emma? I think it's a scandal!
Karate is all they can handle
In tight skirt or catsuit
Comparison is all moot
To Emma they don't hold a candle.


Mrs. Irma Agueros - Added 10/11/2002


She'll cross her arms when she is riled

Hands on her hips flash him a smile

She'll take a card and flick his nose

Think she once did that with a rose


He is a gentleman to the core

Kisses her hand, opens her door

As handsome as a man can be

Oh soft gray eyes look down on me


That gentle smile that's her's alone

It melts her heart when it is shown

His brolly and his bowler hat

His trademarks showing he's all that


She is the reason he's in need

He loves to hear her voice call Steed

She loves the way he makes her feel

For him she'll always be Mrs. Peel


Together they have made their mark

On everybody's mind and heart

Avenger fans can safely say

That Steed and Emma are here to stay


A picture paints a thousand words

A look can speak though nothing heard

That's how their dance begins to sway

That's how their banter comes to play


They mesh so well they're interwoven

Communicate with words unspoken

Two kindred spirits forged as one

Like no one else under the sun


The chemistry between them sparked

Debate amongst us from the start

For decades this has come to pass

For many more I hope it lasts


original poem written by Mrs. Irma Agueros



And a site with an Avengers poem:




Avengers Driving Off


"Revenge doesn't have to sacrifice civility. I will bring justice down upon your sorry head without stooping to your level or soiling my impeccable clothing." -- Dr. Will Miller


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